The One They All Lost
by Take Me To My Fragile Dreams
Summary: Some people can slip through your fingers and out of your life, no matter how important they are.
1. Should've Known Better

The One They All Lost

Chapter 1 ~ **Should've** _Known_ Better (**But** _I_ Thought **It'd** _Be_ Different **This** _Time_)

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You know, I should've known better than to expect you to stay. Everyone always leaves eventually so why would you be an exception to the that? I'm never that lucky. I don't get to love the people who stick around, I love the ones who leave, who rip me apart with less than a sentence and who just can't seem to understand just how much I fucking _care_. I love the ones who're broken, who're barely there, barely alive. There's just something that draws a person to the lonely and broken, maybe it's the broken look in their eyes, the way their smile is a little off, strained and sad and how it never meets their eyes. Or maybe it's the way they hold themselves, shoulders hunched ever so slightly and eyes downcast, as if they're expecting a hit of some sort. You were like that you know. When you thought people weren't looking and your mask slipped away. You were broken when you could show it and you were broken when you couldn't. There never really was a hope for you was there? I'd thought I might be able to help you, to _save _you even... but I'm a failure as always. A fucking failure who can't save the one's closest to them. The one's who truly matter, who I'd do anything for.

I loved you you know. Not that stupid childish crush that I called love but real honest to god _love_. You were my brother, my best friend, my other half. I loved you and you never seemed to believe that. That I _cared_, that I'd sooner slit my own throat than watch you wither away; that I'd gladly give my life just to get you your happy ending. I wish I could've found a way to show you that. I can't bare the thought of you dying thinking that I didn't care, that I'd be fine without you and no one would miss you. Because people _do _care, Jace. Izzy can barely do anything but cry, Magnus has completely closed himself off, Clary is practically working herself to death trying to get her sadness onto canvas; Simon acts like a robot, as if he can't feel anything anymore and I... _God _Jace. I'm not okay. I'm so far away from 'okay' that it's not even funny. I miss you so much it _hurts_. I can barely think about how I failed you without crying myself into unconsciousness, I feel numb most of the time, as if you've taken a part of me with you. You told me not to get too attached, that if I gave pieces of myself to others I'd soon have nothing left, and you're right, it feels like I have nothing left. Everything is shattered and the pieces can't be put back together again. I'm-

_God _Jace. How could you think that this would solve anything?! I told you, I fucking _told _you that it'd only make it worse, that once you get rid of that pain it only spreads to your loved ones. Everyone's fading away without you. You kept us all together. Even if you were an ass most of the time you always somehow knew the right thing to say. When Iz thought she was pregnant you knew just what to say to help her. When Magnus was being abused by his boyfriend you were always there to protect him; you saved him from allowing others to destroy him. You gave Clary her inspiration back. Before she was just a zombie of a girl who would do anything and take anything just to get high. When Simon was nothing, when he was emotionless and couldn't seem to access his emotions, you were there to help ease him back into his heart, to help him _feel _again. And me... When I was spiralling down into my own personal hell, when I was spending every night crying myself to sleep and bleeding my body whenever I could, you were there to show me that there was a reason to keep living, that things got better, would _get _better.

But they're not. They're not because you're gone and you _left _us and dammit! This is not better! Better would be having you here, smiling that cocky grin of yours and teasing me, asking if I'd miss you if you were gone. You never did believe the answer did you? Or maybe you just didn't care. I think I'd like to believe the first. I don't think I could handle you not caring.

Why didn't you talk to us Jace? We would've done anything and everything to help you. But you never asked. Never reached out. Maybe you thought it would make us worse, maybe you didn't want to be a burden. I don't know what you thought, but nothing, _nothing _is worth giving your life away.

We need you Jace. We need you and you're gone.

...

..

.

We miss you.

_~Alec_

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**I started this a long time ago when I was in danger of losing a friend and well, it took on a life of it's own. I know the pairing is strange and probably not what you were expecting at all but I've taken an extremely large liking to it as of late (blame my rp partner). Each chapter will be a letter from one of the gang which means there will be five chapters (possibly more if I get a better idea). **

**Fair warning: everything will be complete and utter angst as I'm sure you've already seen. **

**I already have most of the chapters written so if you're interested drop a review and I'll upload them. Next chapter is Magnus. :)**

**;3**

**~TMTMFD**


	2. I Loved You

The One They All Lost

Chapter 2 ~ **I** _Loved_ You (**What **_A_ Stupid **Decision**)

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You'd think that I'd know by now that things like love and relationships don't work out for me. You'd think that I'd know better, that I'd save myself from the pain, from the utter heartbreak of losing the ones closest to you. But I don't. At least not when it comes to you. You break down all of my my walls, you won't let me hide, won't let me retreat into myself. You forced me to face you, to face my emotions, to face the pain inside. You'd always hold me, always wipe away my tears and smile. You'd kiss me and tell me that you loved me, that I mattered.

If I _mattered _Jace, then why did you leave me? You're not here to hold me anymore, to give me strength, to give me your warmth. I always called you my sun, my golden boy, the one who always managed to pull a smile from even the most broken of all people; but you're gone and so is my sun.

Was it because of me? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something stupid? Did my big mouth finally push you away? I... don't understand, Jace. Were you really so miserable? So fed up? Were none of us enough to make you stay? Were we really so worthless? We all loved you you know. You were Izzy's brother, Clary's safety, Simon's confident, Alec's best friend, my savior.

Tell me, what's the point of saving something that you're only going to shatter later?

…

..

.

I love you. I hope you knew that. I love you and I'm dying without you. I should probably hate you, most people would, but I understand. I know what its like to feel so hopeless, like you have nothing left and no one cares. What I just want to know... What made you think that I wouldn't be there for you? That I wouldn't take care of you like you've taken care of me?

Did you _genuinely _think no one would care if you were gone or did you just not care at that point?

...I'm a failure. A fuck up. I wasn't there for you. You shouldn't have had to ask for help, I should have known, should have been there for you automatically. I should have saved you from yourself, should have held you and stroked your hair as you cried. Even the sun needs to go away fro a while, Jace. Sometimes it needs to rest. That's why the moon comes. So tell me, what made you think you had to be the sun 24/7? That you had to burn yourself out?

Because you didn't. You didn't have to be strong, didn't have to put up a front. And the fact that you did, that you did it to protect us... It makes me both love you and hate your nearly flawless ability to fake it.

Didn't you know that you didn't need to pretend around me? No walls remember, Jace? Isn't that what you said?

...Did you lie?

…

..

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I love you and I will always be yours. Even if you've broken all that was left of me.

_~Magnus_

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**Alright so there you have it, Magnus Bane. :) Next up is Simon if anyone's still interested.**

***Also, the wording of the summery might confuse some people but Jace committed suicide.***

**;3**

**~TMTMFD**


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